I’m Torn… I’m All Out of FAITH!

This past April, when my journey toward coming out really began to take shape, I made yet another YouTube discovery in Justin Lee the founder of the Gay Christian Network and author of the book: TORN.

Justin is an openly gay Evangelical Christian, blogger, and author. I was raised Catholic but converted to Evangelical Christian when I was 15 years old so right off the bat, I was intrigued with what he had to say. In our faith being gay and being a Christian do not go hand-in-hand and one cannot be both a Christian and gay so to find Justin and see he was still serving the Lord was comforting to my heart. I knew if he could do it, I could do it.

It’s a strange place to be knowing many Christian people will question you and tell you that you’re living in sin and God is not with you and also gay people will ask you why you would still be a Christian when Christians have so mistreated gays for so long. It can feel like there is no place you really fit in. But just because I made the decision to fully accept and admit what I already knew I  was didn’t mean I wanted to walk away from my faith and abandon my Lord. God is good and I have experienced the peace, love, and joy of knowing Jesus. Why would leave Him? I didn’t want to leave my faith. And I shouldn’t have to!

The video below is one that really stood out to me because the passage in 1 Corinthians is often quoted to gays, especially when they’re Christians that come out… this actually happened to me last week when I made an official Facebook declaration of my gayness. An old acquaintance messaged me and this very passage was used to give me a warning that I needed to reconsider my decision because being gay is a sin that excludes us from heaven. I like how Justin explains things in this video and even goes into the Greek definition of the original texts.

He also ends the vide0 with the passage I copied below so you don’t have to look it up. I used the NASB as it’s the translation I read on a regular basis.

Romans 13:8-10 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves [a]his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love [b]does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Another of Justin’s videos that really made sense to me was the one that discusses whether or not we, people/humankind, were designed for heterosexuality. The simple answer is, yes, of course it’s God’s perfect design but we live in a fallen world where things don’t always work perfectly, as designed but God works with us in the midst of the brokenness. God works with us when things don’t work the way He initially designed them to work. This takes some thinking outside the box but isn’t God bigger than the stupid little boxes we put Him in? When I think of eternity, the vastness of it, I think of how BIG God is, and how maybe, just maybe, this is how He created me to be, for a reason… and it may not make a lick of sense to me now but one day it will all become crystal clear. Okay… so maybe I’m a little TORN but I’m not all out of FAITH! Look, all I know is, I didn’t do the hardwiring of my own brain, that was out of my control for sure… that was by His design, and for whatever the reason may be, I turned out a little different the original blue prints.


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